she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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