I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I just sharted jello shots
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
