So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize