Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
