i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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