i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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