The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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