Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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