what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
