I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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