so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
