My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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