How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
