omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
