I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
