You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its not stalking. its research.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
