im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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