forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
