Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
