We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
