can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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