our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
