Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
