Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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