You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
