I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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