he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize