Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
