Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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