Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
