A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
