I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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