shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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