Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
