why didn't you poke me back
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
