Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
