I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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