i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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