we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize