im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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