Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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