First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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