non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
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