i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How naked do you want me to be?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
