fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.