I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.