if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own