oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.