New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree