Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.