I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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