put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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