Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
