Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
