i need an iv and a liver transplant
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
