I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
