At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
