I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
