Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
