I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
