you didnt know i had herpes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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