i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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