I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
