Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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