That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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