Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
