Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize