Can Purell be used as lube?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
