I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize