I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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