I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
