Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
