its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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