i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it glows. i had to have it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize