so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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