Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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