Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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