she kept yelling 'call me bella'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
