There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
