You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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